Posted by hammer on July 20, 2008
Posted by hammer on July 19, 2008
I need a male’s perspective and I like your no nonense views on life. I had a date last night with a handsome, charming man who I got a bit carried away with during the goodnight kiss process. All night long I felt like there was a huge sexual tension happening and that he asked me out based on the fact that thinks of me as a woman who loves sex (because I said I did…and I do…but doens’t everybody? it seemed like an appropriate thing to say at the time). Anyhow…..he already wants to have an exclusive relationship with me and has told me some of his sexual fantasies and his fetishes and its not stuff I am uncomfortable with, but its not exactly my thing…..so here I am attracted to him simply because he’s handsome and sexy and things I am beautiful and sexy. I am not some stupid young chick…I’m a smart old chick but I get stupid about men.
I have another date with a guy this afternoon and we are going wine tasting, something I have never done in my life and am not sure about. But the other guy seems much more down to earth.
Do you think I should see the first guy again or are the red flags waving??????? He lives an hour away and works weird hours so it would also be difficult to maintain a relationship.
Posted by hammer on July 19, 2008
Here’s my question:
I’m very fond of chorizo and eggs. Do you have any recipes for chorizo that are more appropriate for evening meals? Breakfast is great, but I want to enjoy my chorizo in other dishes as well.
One of my favorites is called calabacita con chorizo,
Saute your chorizo in a sauce pan with some diced onions, drain 80% of the grease and add sliced zucchini and diced tomatoes. reduce heat and cook for about 10 min you will love it.
Another hot one is Queso flameado. You cook and drain your chorizo then add soft white cheese of any type and stir, when thourougly mixed broil for a min to make a nice crust on top. serve on hot corn or flour tortillas.
Posted by hammer on July 19, 2008
If you could have any super power… what would you choose?
I would choose time travel: then I could go back and undo some of the stupid mistakes I’ve made….and buy a shitload of Exxon stock.
Posted by hammer on May 12, 2008
Dear Hammer –
I first wrote you about my miserable marriage on March 19 2007 and you published my letter as “Reclaiming a Life.” I did as you said, planned carefully and began getting my ducks in a row. I think the stress of my marriage combined with my job resulted in a weakened immune system, and I ended up in hospital with a life-threatening illness last last summer, just 10 weeks shy of my goal departure date. I missed a month of work and then went back to work weak and on greatly-reduced hours. I gradually built up stamina, but it took three more months before I could work a full work week. Meanwhile, things continued apace in the depressing rut of his preachy superiority and my mute acceptance of his household tyranny. I rented an apartment, unbeknownst to him. Every paycheck I paid some rent he never knew about. I paid for the empty apartment for 6 months before I scraped up the guts to file for divorce. So far, things have been pretty civil. He’s relied heavily on my parents for support (which means there’s not a lot left for me) and they are sad about the split and wish we could work it out. NOW he is talking to me about seeking a counselor, and I pointed out that the last time we did that (with a faith-based counselor he found through church) she clearly took sides with him against me. He said something of how he doesn’t approve of the techniques she used, and I said “but it was validating for you at the time, wasn’t it?” He admitted he was dishonest with her about our relationship. I am beyond caring, and there’s nothing there I WANT to salvage, especially since there are no children.
Anyway. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble. Here I sit in my new place, and I’m working daily to get it more organized. There’s a lot to be done, and money will be tight, but I’ve got a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to. I feel like I’m on the brink of wonderful possibilities for the first time in many years.
Thanks for the very good advice. I was able to continue for the intervening 13 months since that letter and your advice without ever resorting to cruel disdain for my husband. I’m intelligent enough to know that tearing someone else down– no matter how carelessly they’ve treated me– defiles rather than elevates me. I’ll let you know when everything is concluded what the outcomes are. Thanks again.
It sounds like the worst part of this painful ordeal is over. You made the tough decisions and stuck to your guns. I hope someone who is suffering will read your letter and take courage from it. Congratulations on starting a new more fulfuilling life.
Posted by hammer on March 9, 2008
Hey I just noticed you answer questions. Here’s one of about a million I have. Since your married you may be unfamiliar with how things are on dating sites but generally speaking men look for women that are younger than they are which leaves only older men for women who are in their late 30-s and 40’s.
So if a 41 year old woman wants to meet a guy that is 40 – 45 she’s probably going to be looked over for women who are 25 – 35. To get around that some women lie about their ages and say they are younger just to get their foot in the door (so to speak) and get some guys their age looking at them rather than men who are in their late 40’s to early 60’s.
Question: Is this acceptable? I personally have not done this because I don’t want to start a relationship based on a lie. But I do see why some women feel compelled to “stretch the truth” in order to meet guys their age.
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Trying to help a sista,
I have personally known and known of several people that fib about their age, weight, marital status, job,kids, wealth etc.. on online dating sites. Pretty much all they get is trouble.
There is also a really good chance that the other side is lying too. (Remind me to tell you a story later)
Look at it this way: 41 isn’t old and you may have not heard that there is a new hot trend going on where women of your age group are considered attractive and desirable by men of all ages.
Be yourself, be proud and reap the rewards of your age, wisdom and intelligence.
Best of luck to you and don’t be taken for a ride by any chumps.
Posted by hammer on February 19, 2008
Personally, I eat these http://www.seeveggiesdifferently.com/product_detail.aspx?family=366&id=324 as well as their breakfast products.
I can’t get tofu to come out good at home but I eat it at thai places and they make it taste really good.
Portabella mushrooms are another protein option as well.
Gout is really painful. I got it once when I was up around 310 pounds. Once I took the weight off it got better but I still have to watch the fatty foods very carefully
If you try tempeh let me know how you like it, I’m always looking for new options.
Posted by hammer on November 4, 2007
I need to get new tires for my car (a Corolla). Over the years I’ve used Firestone tires, but when I was looking online at what they have, a lot of them, if not most, had poor reviews, and it’s making me wonder. I want good tires that last, and I’m not afraid to pay a lot for them-peace of mind is more important to me than money. What would you consider the best brand(s) of all-weather tires?
It can be tough to get good aftermarket tires. I’ve had horrible luck with supposedly good name brands that I purchased at Sams club and other such places.
I would suggest buying your tires at a reputable nationwide chain then take them to be installed at a small mom and pop tire shop. Brands such as BF goodrich, goodyear and pirelli are safe bets. When using this method you get the tire warranty but don’t have to pay the outrageous prices for valve stems, balancing, and mounting. For your type of car do not pay more then 40 to 45 dollars per tire. If you choose to use the chain store for installation beware of all the additional charges they add without your consent. Do not by extended tread wear warranties or put up with fake fees. Like 9 dollar environmental charges and whatnot. Good luck.
Posted by hammer on October 10, 2007
Well, Hammer, I noticed that you haven’t had any letters posted lately, so I figure I may as well write to you about my situation, just because I find it so damned confusing.
You see, I recently met a girl (for future reference, girl=woman…I just type shorter words) who seemed like a sweet enough sort; we’ll call her B. B and I kind of hit it off pretty quickly. We began dating, but very early on, she changed her mind about that idea and decided we should “just be friends” for awhile and see where it would go from there. I figured this meant what it usually does: “I don’t want to see you ever again.”
It didn’t mean that apparently. The day after she decided this, B texted (yes, I dislike texting as much as the next guy, but it’s something she does) that she was bored and wanted something to do. Rather than hang out then, we set up a date/non-date (whichever it really was). After setting this up, she decided she’d bring a friend. The three of us spent the day together, and she cuddled up to me while we were playing video games, further confusing me.
Well, I work nights and have access to a computer at work. The best friend, M, was up all night, and we were in contact, amusing each other. (Yes, I know you can see the train wreck coming, but it didn’t look so bad at the time.) She asked me when Starbucks opened. She doesn’t have a car, so I told her I could take her to pick up some coffee when I got off work at 0500. At this point, even I could see the train wreck coming, but I figured that was just me.
We went to Starbucks, where she waited for me to decide what I wanted and to decode (again) the sizing structure. She timed everything well to make sure that I’d end up paying. Since I had talked to her about my confusion in the situation with B, I figured that maybe I owed her, so I didn’t worry.
Then she decided we should drink it there. Well, M lives with B, and she apparently accidentally woke her. And, it seems, she told B that I’d taken her to coffee. Despite the whole “friend” thing, B was pissed. But only at M, it seems. She wouldn’t speak to her or tell me what was going on with them. And she became territorial around me. I became more thoroughly confused. And I found that M wasn’t really allowed to speak to me anymore. I emailed M to ask what was up, since I had only figured it, not confirmed. Part of her response included: “She is mad that we went to get coffee because I went out with her ex.” Which leads me to believe it may have been seen as a date (which I had started to expect), and that M had decided that I was fair game, though it seemed clear that B was still staking a claim. I’m so damned confused.
I guess I’m not really asking for advice, but a sharp slap to the side of my stupid head. This may not be the sort of thing you want to post on Dear Hammer, but I thought I’d write it out, anyway. I guess I could ask for advice–do I just walk away, keep working things out with territorial B, or try to see what happens with M, who turned out to be more my type? You don’t need to answer, since it’s likely a losing battle regardless. Sorry it’s so long, feel free to cut it down if you decide to use it.
Welcome to the jungle. In the world of dating nothing can really be taken at face value. Sounds like you are staying centered at least. Sounds like “M” might not be such a great friend and is just messing around or marking territory. Also sounds like “B” might not be totally sure of her descision. Of course these are things you may already know.
My advice… Have fun. Don’t take the games too seriously. Hang out with who you like on your turns. They will get over it. To quote an old song…you can’t please everyone so you got to please yourself.
Hope this helps and thanks for the letter.
Posted by hammer on August 27, 2007
Hiya! I have a question for you. We’ve been hearing that in 2009 everyone will be watching HDTV because the analog signals are going to be gone for good. If our old TV can gasp its way to then, we’ll get a converter box, so I’m not worried about that. What I was wondering is, will there be any real difference in the DVDs I own? Will they play as well on HDTV? I tried to look it up but all this technical info makes my eyes cross and I can’t find anything that specifically answers my question. I’d hate to think that all the DVDs I own now will be garbage and unviewable. Thanks,
To take advantage of an HD TV, a progressive scan DVD player will be required. Only DVDs recorded in HD format will show the true advantages of all the combined technology.
Simple answer…an HDTV hooked to a progressive scan DVD player and a disk recorded in HD will look great. Old DVDs will still play normally.
Hope this helps: